What if everything that happens to us —absolutely everything—was our own responsibility?

Ouch. That stings a bit, doesn’t it? 😏

One of the core teachings of Lise Bourbeau revolves around the idea of responsibility:

“I am only responsible for my life.”

In other words, no one has the power to make me happy or unhappy. And likewise, I don't have the power to make anyone else happy.

On paper, easy. Logical, even.

We tell ourselves:

“Okay, from now on, I'll take care of myself and stop depending on others for my happiness.”

And also,

“If someone close to me is unhappy, I leave them responsible for their own emotions. I'll stop trying to save everyone.”

So far, so good. A dash of self-control, a pinch of discipline, and we’re sorted.

Well… at least in theory.

Because in practice, things get messy pretty quickly.

Me, for example, I used to think the hardest part would be hanging up my superhero cape. Resisting the urge to run to the rescue of those I love. And yes, that was indeed a challenge, but I believed I'd eventually manage to discipline myself, little by little.

But then came the big slap in the face:

applying this concept to life’s trials.

We’ve all been through times where injustice hit us right in the heart. Moments where we felt hurt, abandoned, betrayed, broken.

And then someone tells you:

“All these hardships... You’re responsible for them.”

Um… excuse me, what? 😳

The first reaction? Complete rejection.

“This is absurd! Why on earth would I have inflicted this upon myself?!”

When we remember those times when we fought hard to save a relationship, when we gave endlessly, when we tried so hard we lost ourselves… it's pretty tough to believe we’re 100% responsible.

“It wasn’t JUST my responsibility!”

“It takes two to make it work!”

“If I'm the only one making an effort, obviously it couldn't have worked!”

In short, it doesn't go down easily.

And then there’s the childhood wounds.

Those are even tougher to swallow. Because this idea of responsibility seems to challenge something fundamental: the fact that we were just kids.

Our minds spiral quickly:

“I was just a child!”

“My parents were adults—they shouldn't have behaved that way!”

“I would never treat my children the way my mother treated me!”

That's where we really get stuck.

Responsible ≠ Guilty

Here's where we often get confused:

We mix up responsibility and guilt.

We tend to think that if we’re responsible for a situation, then we're guilty of causing it (almost as if we "deserved it").

But that’s not what Lise Bourbeau means.

Being responsible isn't about beating yourself up and thinking “everything’s my fault.”

It's actually the opposite.

(But more on that in a future article 😉.)

Our ego hates this concept

The second important thing to grasp is that the voice rising in rebellion inside us, yelling how absurd this all is… well, that’s not really us.

That’s our ego.

And our ego is panicking, because this concept of responsibility undermines its entire defense system.

Think of your ego as your personal bodyguard. It protects you from painful situations, trying to ensure they never happen again. To your ego, the culprit is always the other: the unloving parent, the cheating partner, the tyrannical boss…

In short, we’re the victims. And our ego wants to make sure we never forget that.

Unlearning what we’ve learned

Since forever, we've been taught there's always a hero and a villain.

A culprit and a victim.

So when we first hear about this idea of responsibility, it’s a shock.

It feels like someone telling us:

“Everything’s your fault.”

But that's not what it is.

We need to understand that as long as we're stuck in this perception, we can’t move forward.

As Don Miguel Ruiz says beautifully in The Four Agreements, we have to unlearn what we've learned.

To deconstruct these beliefs, to see things from a fresh angle.

Responsibility, a key to healing

In Lise Bourbeau’s spiritual perspective, responsibility isn't a punishment.

It's an invitation to grow.

The idea is that our soul attracts certain situations or people to allow us to live very specific experiences.

Yes, sometimes painful experiences. But always carrying a message.

The goal?

To help us shed light on our unhealed wounds… so we can finally heal them.

And I won’t lie to you: accepting this is a real challenge.

A huge one.

But it’s also an enormous liberation.

Because when we stop waiting for others to fix us,

when we stop looking for someone to blame,

we reclaim our power.

And that’s where the real work begins.

A long journey… but the most beautiful one of all.

Taking responsibility brings us toward acceptance, another cornerstone of Lise Bourbeau’s teachings (and if you find responsibility tough to swallow, brace yourself—acceptance is next-level stuff! 😅).

The journey is long and intense.

But it’s fascinating.

Step by little step, it invites us to rediscover ourselves.

Or maybe even… to truly discover ourselves, for the first time.

Seven years ago, I decided to start this journey.

And it’s the greatest gift I've ever given myself.

So if this speaks to you, if it resonates somewhere deep within,

If you, too, want to explore these ideas and see where they might lead…

Join me on this adventure. 🚀